What The Heck
by Themiserableones1832
Summary: The Titans have lost Robin! (Seriously, he's fine, they just lost him.) Also known as the day in which the Titans are sent on a wild goose chase, there's a man named Mary, gas stations are held up by pregnant ladies, Beast Boy puts his survival training to use and everyone is STILL quoting Psych. Multi-chaptered this time! Still won't make sense! Review!
1. The search begins!

**AN: I'M ****_BAAAAAAAAACK!_**

**Did everyone miss me? No? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?**

**Okay then. Moving on.**

**So my ADHD kinda took over my mind again. Oh well. Let's see what happened this time.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, sadly. If I did we'd be on, like, season 15 by now. I also don't own any of the Psych quotes, which are in bold.**

**STORYTIME!**

* * *

Everything was normal in Titan tower. Starfire was making some weird whatever-the-hell, Raven was reading, and Cyborg was, for some reason, trying to play chess with Beast boy.

**"Okay, I'm going to take your pointy sad-faced guy for my horsey guy."**Beast Boy said.

"Wait a minute, stop!" Cyborg interrupted. He pointed to the knight. **"What is this piece called?"**

**"…I call him Dwight."** Beast Boy said. Starfire left the room, probably to find Robin.

Cyborg shook his head. He pointed to the bishop. **"And what's ****_this _****piece called?"**

**"B.A. Baracus."**

Starfire burst back into the room. "Has anyone seen Robin?"

"No."

"Nope."

"No."

Starfire looked worried. "Where could he have gone?"

Cyborg shrugged. "He's probably still in the Tower somewhere. Where did you look for him?"

"In the evidence room."

"Well, that's just one room in the whole Tower." Raven said. Beast Boy jumped up, eager to avoid another round of chess.

"I'll help you look for him."

Cyborg shrugged. "I'll check the roof."

(20 minutes later)

"Okay. This is the only place we haven't checked." Cyborg and the other three Titans stood in front of the basement door.

"Here we go."

They walked down the stairs in single-file until they reached the bottom. Cyborg turned on a dim light.

"Hello?"

"Robin?"

"Are you down here?"

**"Guys, I don't think anyone's here."** Beast Boy said.

**"How sure are you?"** Starfire asked.

**"Fairly to pretty damn."**

"Okay, so where do _you_ think he is?" Raven asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he went for a walk or something."

"Fine. Let's go check around the city, see if anyone's seen him." Cyborg announced.

**FASTFORWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD**

"Have you seen this person?" they asked. The jogger shook his head.

"Next." Beast Boy announced. They walked across the street to another random civilian. This one was a woman wearing an obnoxious yellow color.

"Excuse me." Cyborg said politely. "Have you seen-"

"Hello, I'm Mindy. No, I don't have time to answer your questions. Bye." She turned her back to them.

Cyborg shot the other Titans a look that said:_'What.'_

"It won't take long. You see, we're trying to find our friend and-"

"I'm busy. Beat it."

"Alright then." Raven said, turning to leave.

Beast Boy turned back to the woman.**"Mindy, it's official: you've won bitchiest banana."**

Now the woman turned around. **"Dude, what is your glitch?"**

**"****_You_****'****_re_**** my glitch!"**

"Please stop fighting pointlessly." Starfire interrupted. "We still need to find Robin."

"…Fine." The Titans walked away from the confused/rude woman and continued on their way.

They walked up to the next bystander. "Excuse me, have you seen this person?" Cyborg asked, holding up a picture of their missing friend.

The man stood up straighter. "Why, are they missing?"

"…No, we just wanted to know if you saw this person walking into this shop today. _Yes, _he's missing."

The man held out his hand. "I'm detective Mary Peterson, I work for the Jump City police department."

"Uh, we're the Titans."

"Yes, I know."

"Uh…" Beast Boy raised his hand like he wanted to ask a question, but Raven Gibbs-slapped him on the back of the head.

"No." She said bluntly.

Detective Mary looked confused. "Is there a problem?"

"He wants to know why your name is Mary." Raven answered.

**"Well, my father's name was Mary and his father before him was named Mary and his father before him was named Craig."**

"Uh…"

"Ah!" their new detective friend waved someone over. "Titans, this is my partner, Detective Craig Michaels."

The man gave them a short nod. "Hello."

"Their friend is missing." Mary supplied.

"Uh-huh." Craig mumbled.

The titans and the detectives stood there awkwardly.

"So…are we gonna go find Robin now?"

**FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD FASTFOREWARD**

The motley crew strolled into an empty car repair shop.

Detective Craig whistled sharply. "Yo! Anyone here?"

"Isn't this place abandoned?" Raven asked.

"Why would Robin be here?" Starfire questioned.

"A lot of people have been going missing around here. Thought it might be a good place to check."

"Anyone else feel like they're leading us to our deaths?" Cyborg mumbled. The girls nodded in agreement.

"Beast Boy?" Cyborg turned around. "Where'd he go?"

The detectives turned around. "What? You've lost another friend? Wow. This may all be just some huge plan to pick you guys off one by one and-" Detective Mary rambled.

The titans exchanged worried looks.

**(ELSEWHERE)**

Beast Boy didn't know how long he'd been out. He knew he hadn't been sedated, just hit really hard on the head. Which meant it was likely that whoever it was hadn't planned on kidnapping him, or they weren't professionals.

He could tell he was in the trunk of a car. It was pitch black, but he could tell that his hands were loosely tied behind his back. He had a sudden flashback.

_"Yeah?" younger Beast Boy asked. Mento stood in front of a car with the trunk popped open._

**_"Now, Garfield, How do you escape when you're locked in the trunk of a car?"_**_ Mento asked._

_Beast Boy looked at him quizzically. __**"When? Don't you mean IF, as in, like, maybe never?"**_

_Mento shook his head, __**"Not today, kid, your survival training starts right now."**__ He picked him up and dumped him in the open car trunk beside them, closing the lid on over him. Mento turned and saw Negative man standing behind him._

**_"It's okay, everything's fine; got the keys right here, just teaching Garfield a little survival technique, thank you."_**_ He turned back to the car. __**"Alright Garfield. Here's what you want to do. You want to feel for the brake light. It's right over there. You would kick it out."**_

_The brake light suddenly popped out._

**_"I didn't say to actually do it, I said you WOULD do it!" _**_he shook his head again. "Once the brake light is out, you can look out. Try to find any kind of landmarks that you can use to find your way back again."_

Beast Boy easily kicked the brake light out. He turned until he could see outside.

Wow, they were _really _far, like at the outskirts of the city. He saw a lot of trees, maybe they were passing through a forest. Then he noticed a light blue shack at the edge of the road in front of the trees, which they passed by quickly.

**_TO BE CONTINUED._**

* * *

**AN: OH NO! Even I didn't know I was gonna write that. Seriously. Next chapter up tomorrow! Stay tuned! Review!**


	2. AN

**AN: okay I know I said the new chapter would be up today but I forgot I had art class so the new chapter will be up tomorrow I promise :)**

**Until then, stay weird! (or dark and creepy, take your pick)**


	3. And a crappy ending!

**AN: okay. Sorry if anyone was concerned, I have a tendency to update late in the day. Like, at 11 pm. Sorry. Here we goooooo!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. or any of the Psych quotes.**

**STORYTIME!**

* * *

(With Beast Boy)

Beast Boy turned into a mouse and jumped out of the small opening in the trunk.

…And almost immediately became roadkill.

He managed to dive out of the way in time, luckily. Beast Boy ran off the road and into the trees, where he turned back into a person. He zig-zagged through the trees just in case his kidnapper was following him.

_Another goddamn survival technique. _

He ran through the trees for a while until he thought it was safe enough to walk along the road again.

Once he made sure no cars were coming by, he began to walk in the direction he'd seen the blue building.

(BACK TO THE MOTLEY CREW)

"Shit," Craig muttered, "we're outta gas."

The group had decided to drive along the outskirts of the city to see if anyone had seen the two missing Titans.

"Guys, keep an eye out for a gas station." Mary called to the backseat of the car, which held the remaining three Titans.

"Right there." Cyborg pointed to a bright blue gas station.

"Okay! Uh…I'm gonna go get coffee while Craig gets gas. So…just sit tight." Mary then hopped out of the car and into the store.

"Are we just supposed to wait here?"

"I guess."

A loud _BOOM! _suddenly filled the air. Craig's cell phone went off. Craig got back in the car and picked it up.

"What's up?"

"Uh..we may have a situation."

(BACK TO BEAST BOY)

He was still walking towards the building when he heard the gunshot. He started walking faster.

(AAANNND BACK TO THE MOTLEY CREW!)

"Okay Titans, so it looks like a group of women are holding up the gas station. Mary ha his gun, but he doesn't wanna shoot because one of them's pregnant. We need a plan."

**"I have an idea, but we'll need cool names."**

"No. Why don't we just sneak in?" Raven suggested.

"Yes! I'm great at sneaking! I'm like a jackal!" Craig agreed eagerly, prompting the Titans to give him odd looks.

"Sure you are…"

**"Now, let us go forth and kick much ass. Craig 1:1."** With that, Craig hopped out of the car and started sneaking along the side of the gas station. The Titans shrugged and followed him.

(FREAKING TIME SKIP)

Somehow, no one was really clear on how, they'd come to the conclusion that they should split up. The Titans had no idea where Craig was. And then, Raven and Starfire ended up getting caught and becoming hostages.

**"Take it easy. Now, why don't you let the women, and children, and men go?" **Raven suggested calmly.

"Hell no!" one of the armed women shouted. She looked pretty odd. Come to think of it, most of them looked rather strange, except the pregnant lady. She looked normal. Whatever.

All of a sudden, Craig fell through the ceiling. Cyborg looked down at them from the hole in the ceiling.

**"The jackal has arrived." **He said.

The women pointed their guns at the new arrivals.

"You know what? Forget this." Cyborg said.

Five minutes later, all the hostage takers were handcuffed and ready to be taken away in police cars.

"This has been …interesting, but should we continue finding our friends?" Starfire suggested.

The gas station door suddenly flew open.

"CAN ANYONE TELL ME- oh, hey." Beast Boy stood in the doorway.

"Where'd you go?" Raven asked.

"Seriously, no one else is allowed to disappear today."

"I got kidnapped. But I escaped." Beast Boy turned to Craig and Mary. "Be on the lookout for a car with the taillight kicked out, okay?"

"Uh…alright."

"Who are they?" Beast Boy asked, pointing to the handcuffed group.

"Some women tried to hold up the gas station and held hostages. We took care of it."

Beast Boy looked at the women oddly. "Does anyone else think they're drag queens?"

"Wait, what?"

"Kinda."

"Yes."

"I'll handle this." Craig pulled out a handkerchief and walked over to one of the 'women'. He wiped something off one woman's forehead.

"Yeah, this is makeup."

"Well alright then."

(TIME SKIP LIKE FIVE MINUTES)

"Guys, we've checked nearly the whole city and we still haven't found Robin!"

"Hang on a second, " Mary interrupted. "Do you know this person?" he held up a suspect's picture.

"Mindy! SHE kidnapped me?!" Beast Boy exclaimed. Mary nodded.

"Now, Beast Boy, what did we learn today about pissing off civilians?" Raven said.

"WAIT!" He shouted "We checked OUR city! And OUR tower!" Beast Boy started jumping up and down.

**"Stop trying to figure it out!"** Raven scolded.

**"I can't help it!"**

**"Beast Boy, don't you ****_dare _****learn a wrong lesson when I'm trying to teach you a right one!"**

"Cyborg, do you remember what we were supposed to do today?" he asked eagerly.

"Uh…today's the nineteenth, so…"

"No, it's the twentieth!"

"Wait-ohh. Weren't we gonna hang out with all the other titans today?"

"Ohhhhh."

* * *

**AN: Yes I know it was a shitty ending. I'm tired. Deal with it. Review if you liked it anyway. Okay imma go to sleep now bye.**


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